Parenting in the New Paradigm
There’s a lot for modern-day parents to learn about parenting. That’s nothing new. If you are reading this, you already know many of the challenges. Not only are parents on-duty 24/7, but post-pandemic society and advances in technology make very little separation between work, home, family and self. When the lines between the areas of life are blurred, it can lead to indecision, confusion, guilt and burnout. I am mother to two teenager girls and a 6-year-old boy. There’s an invisible tug of war happening in our home, and at the end of some days, we end up face-down in the mud; dirty, tired, resentful and divided.
I want a happy family. I want our to home to be a loving haven for my kids. I want the to walls of our home to be filled with laughter, peace and unconditional love. At the same time, I’m human. I lose my temper and have bad moods too, not often anymore, but it still happens. I started asking myself questions.
* What is my job as MOM?
* How will I know when I’m doing it well?
* Is there such a thing as successful parenting and if so, how will I know when I’m successful at it?
Job title: MOM
Job Description: Committed individual needed to teach and train young people how to be healthy, successful, resilient, joyful adults. Must be able to work with children physically and mentally through the various stages of growth, from infancy through adulthood, possibly beyond. Parent must possess a basic level of self-awareness and have the willingness to grow and evolve. Knowledge of different skills at different stages of the children’s lives is key. It is not enough to have the knowledge, the ideal parent also embodies that knowledge and lives by example.
Teaching children basic skills such as: Feeding oneself, hygiene, social skills and concepts responsibility, honesty, compassion, time-management are key. Secondary skills: Parent should also help child discover their spark, what they love and nurture that so the child will have one or many vocations in their adulthood. Teaching children how to be human. This includes training the body for physical tasks and the mind for mental tasks. Teaching children how to self-regulate will be one of the most important skills they will need throughout their lives. Parents must practice this themselves and become masters of self-regulation. Techniques will vary from person to person. Be adaptable and experiment. The ability to teach self-healing and learning to fail and get back up is a plus.
The job is constantly evolving as the parties mature and change. It requires continual reevaluation, the ability to be objective and honest with oneself. MOM, must be able to determine what techniques work and which ones don’t work at different ages and stages, and adjust as needed. This requires regular adjustments and adaptations in parenting and teaching philosophies. You might not be patient to start, but setting the intention to be patient is important. Parent should have a willing to look at the bigger picture.
Duties include, but not limited to: feeding, housing, snuggling and cuddling, protecting, providing for everything they need and many things they want, driving and later teaching child to drive, nurturing, paying attention to, stimulating learning, motor skills, social skills and self-care skills. As the child grows, add independent living skills like: cooking, cleaning, financial responsibility, grooming, protecting the planet, and responsibility.
Benefits: There are many, and they are enormous. This is not a complete list. Parents get to experience the best moments of their lives because of their children. They will experience one of the highest form of human love, of being in love, and strong connection with others. The feel of holding their newborn, smelling her hair, or hearing his gurgling laughter are some of the most delicious human experiences. Benefits start from before conception, to growing the fetus in the womb, bonding with this other being, and knowing that they are apart of you, they come from you. The family unit serves as a tribe, increasing chances of survival and connection. Fun, laughter, love, belonging, safety, and security can be found in the the family. Being a mom will be the most important job the mother will have and the rewards extend way beyond what anyone could understand or predict.
The job comes without pay. Many moms will have outside jobs and will need to divide their time accordingly. Appreciation is not guaranteed. There are no days off. It is a job that requires a strong sense of duty and commitment, without attachment to the outcome. It requires thick skin and tenacity, adaptability, an open heart and a strong sense of self and purpose.
The Successful Mom: You will never know when you are doing it well, because the path is full of ups and downs. Your children each have their own unique journeys as well. There will be times you feel you are doing it well and want to celebrate! When your kids are happy, you will feel happy. Know that is temporary. There are times you will feel like a miserable failure. Know that this too, is temporary. Learn from the valleys and basque on the summits. Enjoy them both. The journey is long, but the rewards are in the small moments along the way. They are so fleeting, that if you aren’t paying attention – you’ll miss them. Don’t wait to get to the end of your journey to celebrate the richness that is motherhood. Instead, as you start each morning, do it with a heart full of gratitude, for every day of being a mom is a miracle.
I’d love to hear parts of your parenting job description in the comments below!